Funny Sayings About Doing Business With Cheaters

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.

After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

Marylou

One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" cried the husband.

"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"

"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.

Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.

"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.

"Your horse called."

Three guys show up in heaven

Three men end up at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter remarks that he was behind schedule and needed each to explain how they died.

The first guy said he was driving to work and he suddenly got the feeling that his wife was cheating on him. He turned around and went straight home and made a complete search of his house. His wife continually denied the affair, and with each denial he grew angrier. Finally, he pushed his refrigerator out his apartment window. His wife was suddenly scared and confessed her affair. The guy was so distraught, he jumped out the very same window to his death.

St. Peter said the death was understandable and let him in.

When the second guy steps up, St. Peter asks how he did. The second guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business when a refrigerator fell on me. St. Peter lets him in.

The third guy is asked the same question. His response: "I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business..."

1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships. I'm left wondering...

Is it my wife or my girlfriend that's cheating?

Sexy Math Time

So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others

that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Hmm....

A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...

He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.

The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.

My ex was like a computer game.

Started off easy, got a little harder and eventually I ended up cheating.

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.

I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

You can explore cheating adultery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheating dresser dad jokes. There are also cheating puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.

Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.

At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

My wife caught me cheating

My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that I have been cheating on her with Clara next door. Last night, she packed her things and was off on her way.

I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.

My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating.

There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma" because Emma was lying beside me in bed

Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman

She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.

He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'

'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'

'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said

"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

They told him: your girlfriend is cheating on you..

He wiped away his tears & asked : Which one ?

My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter...

I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids...

A wife has a crappy day and decides to come home early from work

When she arrives home, she heads upstairs and finds 2 pairs of legs in her bed under the covers. Already in a bad mood, she grabs a baseball bat and has a few swings at her cheating husband and his mistress. Once she's done, she walks to her balcony and finds her husband. He lovingly greets her with "Hi honey, your parents dropped in for a visit, they were feeling a little tired so I let them sleep in our bed".

My girlfriend accused me of cheating

I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships

Which got me thinking,
Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating?

My girlfriend was cheating on me

I called her and she said she was at the mall with her friend Angela. But Angela was laying right next to me.

What's worse than your wife cheating on you with your brother?

Your wife cheating on you with her brother.

Source: am from Alabama.

My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it.

She sounds just like my wife

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

I saw my sister on Tinder.

Can't believe she's cheating on me.

Two women are talking in Heaven

One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustion." The other woman replied "maybe if you had checked the freezer we would both be alive."

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she's never...

...playing Scrabble with me again.

My girlfriend keeps insisting that I'm cheating on her.

She's starting to sound like my wife.

A husband calls a men's help line.

Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."

Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."

Host: "I see... so what's your question?"

Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"

My wife told me she's having an affair

I said "well, actually I am too."

She said "it's with your best friend, John"

"THAT SONOFABITCH IS CHEATING ON ME!?"

Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."

Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her?

She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.

I've always suspected my wife was cheating. Yesterday I found the evidence I was looking for...

She kept the monopoly money hidden in the cushion of the couch.

I read somewhere that 1 out of 3 people cheat

I did the math, and there is a 5/9 chance that either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm

The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."

The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."

To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."

Two best friends meet. "I have two bad news" says one to the other...

"OK, combine them."

"Your wife is cheating on us."

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

Trump tests positive for COVID-19.

He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.

I messaged my ex on the day before my exam.

I asked if she had any good cheating tips

My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.

She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your throat, I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?

I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!

I still can't figure out why she walked out.

What did the Bulbasaur say when he found out his wife was cheating on him?

Bulbasaur

I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart.

Brian has a moustache.

My wife found out I was cheating

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding…

She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me ever again!!

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....

I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend

My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I'd been hiding.

She got really mad and said she's never going to play Scrabble with me again.

I think my wife's cheating on me with my best friend.

He's been miserable lately. Poor guy.

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.

She got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again

I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.

She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

I told my girlfriend I think she's cheating on me.

She told me I sound just like her husband.

A guy named Bob dies and goes to hell

Before him stands the Devil.

"Hello, Bob. Welcome to Hell" the Devil says. "Now there are seven levels of hell and since your only sin was cheating on a science test in third grade, you'll be moved to level 1"

"Okay, that doesn't sound so bad" Says Bob

"Level 1 is the hottest level because heat rises. You would know that if you studied for your science test, Bob"

Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.

How did you die?

I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?

A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. I got exhausted and had a heart attack.

It's ironic.

What is?

If you had checked the freezer first, we would both still be alive!

I was caught cheating in our pillow fight

They sent me to execushion

Tommy discovered his wife was cheating with another guy

so he went to the guy's wife and told her about it.

"I know what we will do", she said,
"Let's take revenge on him."

So together they went to a motel and had revenge.
After 10 minutes, she said,"Let's have more revenge",
and they took revenge again.

After 5 times, Tommy was lying spent, and she said,"Lets take revenge again."

Tommy said, "let's forgive them...............
I have no more HARD feelings left !!!"

A man writes a letter to the IRS . . .

. . . saying "I am unable to sleep because of the guilt I feel for cheating on my taxes. I have underreported my income and am enclosing a check for $1500. If I still can't sleep I will send the rest".

Biden, Macron, and Putin make a bet who is going to successfully feed mustard to dog

Biden takes the mustard bottle, shoves it in dogs mouth, then squeezes. "That's animal cruelty!" the other two protest.

Macron takes a sausage, puts the mustard inside it, then give it to the dog. "That's cheating!" the other two protest.

Putin takes the mustard, then squeezes it all on the dog's butt. The dog howls in pain, licking off the mustard from his butt, whining the whole time. Putin, with a victorious smile on his face: "That's how we do things in Russia: voluntarily, and with a song!"

I have an exam next week

To prep for it, im going to text my ex for any cheating tips

My wife caught me cheating at Monopoly...

She dropped the dice and found me fingering her sister.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating

She's starting to sound like my wife

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